he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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