clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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