just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This is my gift to your gina
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
