I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize