i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
