The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
