Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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