new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
