u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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