Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
