I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
