i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
