If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
