from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
