Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
