wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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