I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
