You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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