Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
