Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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