yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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