bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
