I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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