If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
