I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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