I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
