I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
