a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
