If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
