Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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