If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
