well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
