Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
