Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
