The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
