on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
