I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize