He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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