Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
