Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize