im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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