I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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