the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
