i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
