just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
They left me at home... I'm a liability
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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