fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
