Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
