So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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