I wanna bring you to show and tell
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
