...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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