I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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