Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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