he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
