Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
