i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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