I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
