So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
