i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
