I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
