as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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