My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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