Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
