I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
