so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
