And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
