Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have surprise drugs for everyone
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize