I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my being single is dangerous.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
