I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i out mim tonsoeep
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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