Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
