If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
