just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
