I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
