3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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