He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I had to cum in my sink.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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