If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
