Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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