She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
