i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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