The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
