There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
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