I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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