i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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