I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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