So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
