i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
