Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize