I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
