He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All the doctor said was why
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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