I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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