Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You are the jesus of drinking
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
