Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize